Hello from Banglore! I arrived at 3am India time last Sunday. I am just now getting to start my blog. It’s hard to describe what a trip like this is like. From the time I left my home till I got into the hotel was over 24hrs of elapsed time. No matter how much “sleep” you get on the flight… (sleeping upright in a chair is not real sleep) you always end up exhausted at the end of it. The only way I can describe it is it’s like running a marathon while standing still.
Overall the trip went like clockwork with the exception of the TSA line in PDX. You would think that with all the press on TSA on the news that people would have figured out how to navigate thru the line. When I went through TSA there was a women 2 people in front of me who took about 5 minutes to get her stuff on the scanner for TSA. First she took all of her loose articles and artfully arranged them in her three bins. That took 2-3 minutes. Only then did she start to UNZIP her jacket remove it and put it in the bin. She took it off like with all the speed of a snail doing a striptease. Finally, she put her case up on the table…. And ONLY THEN started to unzip her case to remove her laptop and her liquids. At this point the three of us right behind this women (guy in front of me and one behind me) we all turned and looked at each other with a look of utter disbelief. We all seemed to simultaneously have a verbal exclamation in response to this 5 minutes of complete TSA ineptitude.
I just thought now would be a good time to discuss some pointers in navigating the TSA screening. The TSA screening is a process whereby we eliminate the possibility of violence occurring on the plane and replace it with the possibility of your being lynched in the TSA line. Take too long to get thru security and your fellow travelers might pick you up and stuff you head first into the Xray scanner. It could happen.
1. Don’t dress to impress. Dress to undress. You know you have to go thru security so think about what you are wearing before you go. If you absolutely feel you must impress your fellow travelers by wearing your entire jewelry collection. Wait till you pass security to put it on. I keep my jewelry in my carryon until I pass security. Slip on shoes are the best but if you must wear shoes that tie, tie them loosely until you get thru the security line. Also once you pass your ID check you should be unzipping your coat and compartment for your laptop.
2. When you get to the front near the scanner get your bins and put your stuff in them. Now is not the time for arranging your things in the bins with the same meditation used in arranging a Japanese rock garden.
3. Take your coat off and dump it in the bin. Don’t stop and fold it using a flip and fold. It’s only going to be in the bin for less than 2 minutes. If your clothes can’t make it thru the scanner without being carefully folded you are going to look like a piece of failed origami when you get off the plane anyway.
Follow these simple tips and the rest of us will keep the tar and feathers in our carryon.
Overall the trip went like clockwork with the exception of the TSA line in PDX. You would think that with all the press on TSA on the news that people would have figured out how to navigate thru the line. When I went through TSA there was a women 2 people in front of me who took about 5 minutes to get her stuff on the scanner for TSA. First she took all of her loose articles and artfully arranged them in her three bins. That took 2-3 minutes. Only then did she start to UNZIP her jacket remove it and put it in the bin. She took it off like with all the speed of a snail doing a striptease. Finally, she put her case up on the table…. And ONLY THEN started to unzip her case to remove her laptop and her liquids. At this point the three of us right behind this women (guy in front of me and one behind me) we all turned and looked at each other with a look of utter disbelief. We all seemed to simultaneously have a verbal exclamation in response to this 5 minutes of complete TSA ineptitude.
I just thought now would be a good time to discuss some pointers in navigating the TSA screening. The TSA screening is a process whereby we eliminate the possibility of violence occurring on the plane and replace it with the possibility of your being lynched in the TSA line. Take too long to get thru security and your fellow travelers might pick you up and stuff you head first into the Xray scanner. It could happen.
1. Don’t dress to impress. Dress to undress. You know you have to go thru security so think about what you are wearing before you go. If you absolutely feel you must impress your fellow travelers by wearing your entire jewelry collection. Wait till you pass security to put it on. I keep my jewelry in my carryon until I pass security. Slip on shoes are the best but if you must wear shoes that tie, tie them loosely until you get thru the security line. Also once you pass your ID check you should be unzipping your coat and compartment for your laptop.
2. When you get to the front near the scanner get your bins and put your stuff in them. Now is not the time for arranging your things in the bins with the same meditation used in arranging a Japanese rock garden.
3. Take your coat off and dump it in the bin. Don’t stop and fold it using a flip and fold. It’s only going to be in the bin for less than 2 minutes. If your clothes can’t make it thru the scanner without being carefully folded you are going to look like a piece of failed origami when you get off the plane anyway.
Follow these simple tips and the rest of us will keep the tar and feathers in our carryon.
I am anxiously awaiting word of a new adventure that may rival the Heebie Jeebie Rat Dance or the ever-artful Human Salt Lick installation. Carry on, wasp woman!
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